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Thursday, November 15, 2012

Dear NwaVic: Should I Say it?

Dear Nwavic,
Please I have a problem. I've been seeing this guy since Jan 12... Everything is going sooooo beautiful and I know I am in love with him but I'm not sure if I should say anything or not because he hasn't said he does either! What do you think?


Do I say it?

Dear "Do I say it",
Thanks for your email. Tricky question. Touchy issue. Your course of action depends wholly on a lot of factors; How does he treat you? When you say "seeing", do you mean you're in an official committed relationship? Does he act like he loves you? If he loves you, he'd be interested in your life, talk about you to family and friends, call you often, make an effort to get along with people in your life, make you feel special, make you a part of his daily life, want to spend a good amount of his spare time with you, etc. 

Has he loved and 'lost'/been heartbroken before? Some men are shy and have a hard time expressing their feelings. Some also play the "safe game" and wait for the girl to say something first. Also, people who have been burned by failed relationships tend to be more careful about saying the "L" word. 

If you're in a committed relationship and he acts like he loves you, chances are that he does. In that case, you have two options: (1) prepare your mind for the worst and go ahead and tell him how you feel or (2) don't say anything and wait for him to say it first.  If you choose to do the former, be ready to handle it well if he doesn't say it back. Either way, remember its worth the wait for a person to use the "L" word AND mean it. While I can't undermine the value of hearing/knowing that the person you love loves you back, love can't be rushed. Be patient. If he makes you feel loved, that's all that should count, but only for now. 

If you clock one year and he still hasn't said it, bring up a generic conversation about what love is or means to him. You can ask him, "what's your definition of love?", "how would you know if/when you're in love?", and the like. Those kind of questions will pick his brain and give you much needed insight into how his "love-brain" works. If that still doesn't work, it'll be time for an honest "where is this relationship going/ how do you feel about me" discussion. 

Good Luck!

Stay Inspired....

*Email with any further issues, concerns, questions, suggestions for a prompt and neutral response/advice. :-)


Anonymous said...

Thanks so much!! Very helpful! It would be a year in Feb.

Princess R said...

You're most welcome. Glad I could be of help :-)

If you have any further questions/concerns, email