This blog was created to serve as an inspiration to all who read aspire, to love and to live a life of purpose.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Dear NwaVic, How Do I Get My Long-term Boyfriend to Propose?

Dear Nwavic,
My boyfriend and I are both 23 and were high school sweethearts in Nigeria before we moved here and continued our relationship. We've been together for so long and love each other dearly. We are both graduates and have secured good jobs. The problem is that I am ready to get engaged, married and start a family but he thinks we are too young. All my friends are getting engaged and married and every time we attend a wedding, I feel this deep sensation in the pit of my stomach. Maybe it's resentment for him. I want to be with him for life and he says the same, but not now. He just wants to move in together for now. By the way, I'm Nigerian, so if I move in, I'll have to do it behind my parents' back or they'll physically fly into the country and drag me back to Nigeria. How do I convince him to propose?

Pained in New Jersey

Dear Pained in New Jersey,

Thanks for writing NwaVic at Ahhh I feel like I've answered this question before, if not directly in a post, but subtly in numerous posts. But your letter is a good opportunity for me to cover this more directly. Here's the hard truth: You cannot "make" anyone do what they do not want to do. And you shouldn't "settle" for anything you don't want to do. He shouldn't have to marry you before he's ready and you shouldn't have to move in with him, if you don't want to.

But wait, first consider that you're "able" to "get" him to propose before he's ready by nagging him about it, giving him a "marry me or I'm out" ultimatum or "getting pregnant" (don't wince at the latter. People do it all the time. Someone once told me that getting pregnant for a man was the best way to hasten the process..I just stared blankly at them and said "you can't be serious").  Then, you have a wedding. But then you have entered a marriage for you, by yourself. You're the only one who has what you want. So, then you can't blame him when he starts to resent you,  for making him marry you just to keep you happy. Don't start to cry when you find out, you're all "settled" while he continues to live a "single" life. Maybe you have kids, then you find out that he's cheating or that he spends more time outside than in your home, while you get worn out tending to the kids all by yourself. Then you divorce him and find yourself single at 26 because a marriage where you both aren't on the same page is no marriage at all.
Here's the better scenario....hard but worth it. You have a serious conversation with him to find out what his own timeline is. Then you accept the truth. Marriage is only successful for the long term when you enter into it with someone as committed to it as you are.

This gives you two options: 
Option A: You decide you love him too much to leave, so you wait. This would mean living-down your own life expectations. This would mean you can't pressure or resent him. You would have to enjoy the relationship, just as it is, convinced that he is worth the wait and bearing in mind that just because you waited, doesn't guarantee you a marriage in the future. You have to know that just because you stayed doesn't mean you have paid him to "owe" you marriage in the future. For as long as you're not married, it's still a "maybe".

Option B: You resolve that not every "longterm relationship" is meant to end up in a marriage. You decide that what you want for yourself matters more. It's okay to decide you both have different priorities and move on. It's been said that "the surest way to win a man back is to stop caring. It has a way of bringing them back. But by then, you would have stopped caring." So even after you move on, if it's meant to be, he'll circle back to you but then he'll be doing that on his own accord. You'll then have the choice to reassess what he has to offer. You are young. There's no rush. So, better still with time, you can then find someone who not only loves you, but is on the same page as you are.

I like Option B because I lived it. And even though it's always a hard decision to walk away, it was the most rewarding gift I have ever given myself. Regardless of the option you choose, know this: No matter how much you trust a person, the only person you can control whether or not they disappoint you is yourself. Trust yourself and your instincts. Never settle for less than what you want for yourself.  And never substitute your life plan for someone else's. 

Best of Luck!
Stay Inspired....

NwaVic – | |Twitter & Instagram @nwavicesq

Monday, February 24, 2014

Ask Amy: I have a Crush on a Guy Who has a Girlfriend

Here's another "Dear Amy" letter with a loud message. Couldn't help but reblog!

DEAR AMY: I have a crush on a guy, but he has a girlfriend. They’ve been going out for a few months now. He and I are friends.
Recently he told me that the reason he has been distant toward me is because he’s been having an urge around me. He says I make him forget he has a girlfriend, and that he’s afraid to be alone with me.
Little does he know that I have a crush on him too. He says he wants to hang out with me more but on the lowdown since he has a girl, but I don’t want to be a side chick.
Should I tell him how I feel? What would you do if you were in my situation? -- Unhappy
DEAR UNHAPPY: I can’t imagine being in your situation; I may be one of those people who put out a distinct “please don’t mess with me” vibe.
This guy is obviously testing the waters to see if you are interested in him, but, honestly, I think his proposition to you is pretty insulting. Your answer to him should be, “I don’t want to be anyone’s side chick, but let me know if you are ever available and I’ll think about it.”

"I want to hang out with you on the low-down because I have a girlfriend" means "I want to cheat on my girlfriend with you...I want to have my cake and eat it too...I won't leave my girlfriend for you." Stop making excuses. Read the message. It's loud and clear and do yourself and the 'sisterhood' a huge favor, and move on.

Stay Inspired...
Source: The Washington Post

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Dear NwaVic, My Boyfriend of 5 Years Gave Me an STD

Dear NwaVic, 
I was with my ex-boyfriend on an off for nearly 5 years until with the help of his friends and family, I found out that he had been sleeping around. Consequently, I broke up with him quickly and for good.  After months and months of deliberating, I decided to go and get tested. Do you know this worthless bastard gave me an STD?!?!? Herpes?!?!?!!? I still can't believe it. I was faithful for goodness sake!  Now, here I am barely 24 realizing that now all the plans I had for my life must change. I am scared and now I don't know if I will ever marry and start a family. Basically, what will I do? Please any advice?

That Bastard gave me an STD (T.B.g.m.a.S)
Dear T.B.g.m.a.S,
Thank you for writing NwaVic at Your letter genuinely floored me. I can only imagine the anger, resentment, and sense of loss you must feel. So let me resonate with is frustrating! I mean, this is a man you dedicated 5 years of your "new adult" life to. 

From what I understand, Herpes cannot be cured. I assume this is where your "I don't know if I will ever marry and start a family" anxiety comes from. First of all, take a deep breath. While you have every right to be angry at the ex, there's a tiny bitty part of it that was your responsibility. And that part is to protect yourself by all means; protected sex and requiring that your partner get frequent STD check-ups. Every time, you had unprotected sex, you took a risk. Notwithstanding, what has happened, has happened. 

And it's time to focus on yourself. 

The first step is to forgive yourself and forgive him. This is easier said than done. But anger and resentment for him, especially without remedial action, will only eat you up and bring your worst fears of loneliness into realization. If you must act, the only legal option you have is to file a civil action against him in court. To do this, depending on your state/federal law, you'll need to prove knowledge, premeditation and/or intent- that he knew about the STD prior to having sex with you. It's important that you also realize that if you are seeking privacy on this issue, a court case will only bring you the opposite. Regardless of whether or not you seek remedial action, forgiveness will bring you peace. If you can't convince yourself to forgive him for him, do it for yourself because it is you who could benefit the most from it. 

Then, you should educate yourself on Herpes as this will effectively equip you with what you'll need to minimize its symptoms and live a healthy life. Here's a fact sheet that has all you need to know about Herpes.

If you don't remember anything I've said so far, remember this: STDs, especially Herpes, are more common than anyone will like to admit. The only reason you feel so "damned" is because of the stigma associated with it. Noone talks about it. Noone admits to having it. But a good number of people do. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has a derailing life event, the consequences of which they have to contend with daily. This STD, standing alone, cannot dictate whether or not you'll find someone who'll love and appreciate you (flaws + STD and all) and be willing to take the extra sexual-protective measures to be with you. I say all this to say, Herpes is not a death sentence. With the right doctor and medications to control symptoms and flares, just like others, you can live a healthy, whole and fruitful life. So dust yourself up, learn from this experience, be strong and make a conscious decision to continue to strive for the life you want, including getting married and starting a family. If it's in God's plan for you, even Herpes can't derail it. Hugs!

Best of luck!

Stay Inspired
NwaVic – | |Twitter & Instagram @nwavicesq

Thursday, February 13, 2014

A "Love" Letter From Love on Love Day

Hey you. Yes, you. I hear you've been looking for me. I know you thought you had me before. But it wasn't me. Then you swore to never want me again. Why did you blame me for the pain I did not cause? Why am I being struck down because you saw me where I was absent, ignoring me in my very own essence? But I forgive you because you don't know me. You haven't seen me. You haven't felt me. Instead, what you have seen are frauds of me...misusing my name for comfort, abusing my name for personal gain and disguising as me in the name of lust. I am not infatuation. Please don't call me that; its an unworthy impersonator. 
Those who really know me will tell you that I'm different, refreshing, honest and accomodating. I am unconditional, patient, kind...tolerant. I endure. I grow. I make your life better. I appreciate. I excite. I encourage. I am without conditions or stipulations. I am unquantifiable and beyond the value of money. 
I am seeing another person for who and what they are, at their lowest, faults and all, and wanting them anyway. I am putting another person's interests above yours. I am crying together when times are bad and rejoicing together when times are good....but being there always. I am building another person up and never tearing them down. I am security. I am being able to go through life fearlessly because you know someone has your back at all times.  I am knowing that the person will defend you against werewolves of life.
While I command for and encompass loyalty, compassion, happiness, forgiveness, companionship and sexual desire, standing alone, I am above them all. I am a force of can't dictate or predict my when, how or where. But when I come, I put all my impersonators to'll know the'll feel my authenticity. Because when I'm tested and when I'm real, I always win.
If you have me, you have a person in whom you see my definition. If you don't yet, be patient, I'll find you. And when I do, I'll always be there...forever being more than a word to you.  
I AM love.  
valentines-day-quotes-sayings-for-her-2014Happy Love Day. 
Happy Me Day. 
Happy Valentine's Day!

Stay inspired.....
NwaVic – | |Twitter & Instagram @nwavicesq

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Perfect Valentine's Day Gift Tips & Ideas for Your Special Someone

Valentine's Day is coming up fast. And if you have someone special in your life, its about time to plan your special day. And its never complete without that special gift.

Unlike other gift-giving occasions, Valentine's Day is special because it celebrates love in its simplest form. Valentine's Day gifts have to be memorable, incredibly personal and most of all, romantic. If you gift well, Valentine's Day could be the least expensive gift-giving holiday for you because its not about money, its about expressing love and appreciation.

So! because I'm thoughtful and love-filled (;-)), I thought it'd be helpful to inspire you with some gift tips & ideas to help you avoid the "disappointed" look on your significant others' face when you give them the gift they very well know you bought that morning.

1. Something personalized: If there's ever time to go for personalized gifts, its Valentine's Day. While mugs and shot glasses are cute, you could leave those for wedding souvenirs. Instead, go for personalized underwear, boxers, jersey for his/her favorite sports team, bath robes, ties, pillow cases, cuff links or photo collages. If ever in doubt, Personalization Mall is the place to shop for all things personalized.
2. Cook or take a class together: Skip the conventional dinner for two if you've done it too many times and schedule me-time in the kitchen. My sister Oby would advise to take it a step further and sign up for a cooking/baking/painting class together. She does this a lot with her husband and swears by it. This works out perfectly especially if you find restaurants too busy and impersonal due to Valentine's Day traffic. It becomes less about the food and more about the bonding experience.

3. Something practical yet thoughtful: Unless you've confirmed that your significant other still gushes at this, skip the chocolate and teddy bear. While they are cute, sometimes your significant other wants something they can use daily that will remind them of you. What have they been complaining that they need for a while now? If you've been paying attention, this should come to mind easily. For e.g. do they commute to work or school? A GPS will do the trick. Trust me, the romance is in the fact that you were thinking about what will make their life easier.

4. Write a love letter: Use a paper and a pen. Tell them how much they add to your world and make it better. If you think your hand writing is so bad, it'll ruin the message, consider kipping the store-bought valentines day card and ordering one online using a picture of you two as the front and your personalized message. makes them great.
5. Indulge their hobby: Remember its a day about celebrating the person you love and their essence. Often, you don't need to go far to learn the little things that make him or her happy. For e.g. if your girl is feeling stressed, a gift card to a massage parlor is just what she needs. For him, maybe tickets to their favorite sports game. If she likes to cook or bake, a personalized apron. If she loves to take pictures, a camera or camera accessory. If he loves a certain TV show or movie, the complete DVD series or related paraphernalia always wins. If he loves his suits, personalized cufflinks are too cute. Once I got a boyfriend a personalized Jersey for his favorite Sports team with his name and favorite number and he wore it everywhere. Again, its the thought that counts.
6. Gift by Action: You know what they say about how the best gifts are not monetarily affordable. Somethings, no amount of money can buy. For example, you could serve your honey breakfast in bed, give them a personal massage (;-)), run them a hot bath filled with rose petals and 2 glasses of wine or you could just take the day off to cuddle with them. What a lot of people don't know is that the most precious gift a person could give you is their time and attention.
7. Make Love resolutions: Because Valentine's Day is about love, this post won't have been complete without using the day to renew your love commitment to your significant other.  Even though you should make an effort every day to make your relationship better, Valentine's Day is a perfect opportunity to remind yourself about the things you love about your significant other and recommit to loving them more.

Ofcourse, despite all these, if still in doubt, for the ladies, flowers and/or jewelry are always a win for the ladies. And personal massages and sports-related gifts always win.

Best of Luck and Happy Love Day in advance!

Stay Inspired...||| |||Twitter & Instagram @nwavicesq

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Dear NwaVic, Should I Tell My Friend She's Marrying the Wrong Guy?

Dear NwaVic,
I need your input. I have a really good friend who I have known for about 5 years. We met in Uni and became close. Recently, she called me gushing about this guy she just met. She lives in the UK and he lives in Nigeria.  I don't know him well but I've heard unserious things about him and everything he tells her seems too good to be true. After only being in touch for 2 months, she went back to Nigeria to see him. She called me yesterday to tell me they've been intimate already and he is talking about going to meet her parents and marry her. I really care about my friend and I want her to be happy but I can't shake this feeling that they are rushing things. I want to be honest with her but I'm single and I don't want her to think I'm jealous or not happy for her.

Good friend in London
Dear Good Friend in London,

Thank you for writing NwaVic at This is a tough position to be in because on one hand, telling her the truth the way you want to could potentially alienate her from you but on the other hand, if you keep your opinion to yourself from her, and things don't work out and she finds out you had a feeling and didn't tell her, she may not forgive you. So either way, your friendship is at risk. So, you have to decide which is a greater risk. You also know your friend best and how she reacts to advice.  I've been in a similar situation to yours a time too many and even lost a good friend because I bluntly opined that she was making a big mistake. From that experience and over time, I've learned that there is a big difference between withholding blunt objections and faking total endorsement. The solution is "soft-speak". You should be honest with your friend because if you are not, the greater pain for her would be later feeling like you lied (by omission) to her.

But you have to thread cautiously if you value your friendship. The best time to tell someone what you think about the person they are dating is in the early stages. I advise you if you bring it up, make sure its the right time/place, maybe casually in the middle of a private conversation using a  "concerned" tone. For example, when she tells you about him, you can respond with something like, "aww that's sweet. Has he passed the research-test? I can ask around if you need me to." Then, you warn generally that she should be careful. You can also ask her questions that'll make her assess her feelings. For example, what do you love about him? What makes you think he'll make a good husband? If you must mention what you've heard about him, you have to make sure your sources are authentic and not just idle gossip, and that you use facts not feelings. Make sure you remind her that you're her friend and as long as she's happy, you are. And mean it. 

Again, the sooner you do this, the better. Once they get engaged, anything else you have to say will just look like you originally feared it would.

I've realized that not all my friends will have the same needs and expectations from a man as I do. More so, advice is all you can give-we can't control the decisions our friends make. A good number of times, people will do what they want to do. Once you give your "soft-speak" advice, you back all the way up and continue to be there for her. If she's making a good mistake, she'd need you sooner or later.

Stay Inspired,
NwaVic||| |||Twitter & Instagram @nwavicesq