This blog was created to serve as an inspiration to all who read aspire, to love and to live a life of purpose.

Monday, October 3, 2011

The Curse of the Negatives

Happy Monday! (what an oxymoronic phrase). Anyway, I hope you had a good day. So…here’s a question for you…how many times have you finished a long seemingly engaging conversation with a person, only to walk away feeling like your heart has taken the place of your shoes? How many times have you seen someone and suddenly got the urge to sprint one million miles in the other direction? (except you think…I’ll be too obvious) How many times has your phone beeped amidst a plague of incurable boredom, yet when you find out who it is on the other end, your sudden “save-me-from-bore” excitement is put out faster than the heat of a summer fling? Ok…yes that was 3 questions. My point is this…negative people. For purposes of this post, they will herein be called “Negatives”. They abound. Sadly, in every crook or corner. We know them, yet we love them.

My father always told me the mind was the most powerful tool man possessed. He believed the mind to be the controller of the body. Mind over matter, they say. I’m one who trusts deeply in the sways of my mind. In fact, we all do, to an extent. So, why let people pollute it? But I digress….

The thing about Negatives is that some of them come masked as advisers. They seem to care so much about you that they must tell you how and when to live. They live to discourage you and they often succeed. Because YOU let them. They tell you, you can’t or you shouldn’t. Every time you have a conversation with them, they’re either complaining about something in their lives, questioning something in yours or drawing your attention to the flaws of another.

Negatives constantly make you feel bad for who you are, what you are doing or who you are with. Take for example, imagine you post a candid makeupless baggywearing picture of yourself on Facebook, a Negative is the person who comments, “ahn ahn why is your shirt so rumpled” first. Sometimes, they come back with, “fine pic sha”. They’re the ones who tell you, “you’ve gotten too light o- please try to spend more time in the sun…(insert “but you look good sha” for the sensitive negatives). Negatives tell you, “ahn ahn medical school? Why now? That’s just too much money and time…I'm just saying....Just so you don’t live and die in school.” Or in my personal experience, upon announcing I will be pursuing a Masters after my J.D., “You sef, you too like school, do you ever live?” After my brief explanation of why I decided to get it (something I probably shouldn’t have bothered giving), the Negative proceeds to say, “well, its not easy, congrats”. What a wasted addendum!

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking with a friend of mine who just told me she had decided to take a big step. As far as I’m concerned, life is too short to be mundane. If something (or someone) is not working for you, move on. Why be a humdrum? It is rare that chance will grow legs, google your address, put on his running shoes, and show up at your doorstep. Recently, a friend told me she was moving to an entirely new city to pursue a degree, I instantaneously replied, “Wow, I’m so excited for you. Congrats girl!” Her response shocked me.

Friend: Girl, I just love you.
Me: Of course, I knew that already, silly.
Friend: No, really.
Me: Aww you are too sweet. Love you too hun
Friend: No! Really. I just told *insert name* about this same thing and her reaction was entirely different. She killed my spirit, I wasn’t even excited about this anymore.  Maybe this is not the right time for me.

Negatives are the “friends” you think twice about calling when something good happens in your life because you foresee them shredding your enthusiasm into muggy slices of worry, like they did to my friend. What often baffles me is how often we keep these people as friends. We often even make excuses for them. 

True friendship is about mutual support and encouragement. Your friends should always make you feel better about yourself. Never worse. Positive friends are the ones who you trust enough to tell you when a generous slump of cheese is chilling between your teeth. They're the ones who convince you your dress fits perfectly in the right places. You trust them, that's why you believe them, silently paying no heed to what you thought you saw in the mirror. 

Of course friends should always offer advice but I'm sure you know the difference so there's no need for me to expand. Like Arnold Glasow said, a true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. For the betterment of my life and sanity, I don’t entertain negativity in my life. My life’s cast is made up of people who genuinely love and encourage me. They want to see me do well and they’ll fast and pray for me if need be, to see me reach my full potential. 

Now, who’s the Negative in your life? Maybe it’s time to realize the depth of hurt and restraint Negatives can bring to your life....time to get unacquainted with the Negatives and au fait with the Positives. I tell you, there’s nothing as exhilarating as knowing that people are rooting for you, always.  Next time, you spot a Negative in your life, remember that those who say you can’t are just embarrassed they don’t have the courage to try. Now, find your hoes and cutlasses. Its time to do some Negatives weeding. Have a blessed week people! Don't forget to stay positive. In fact, tell someone how good they look, how proud you are of them or how blessed you are to have them in your life. Before the week's over, make someone's day. :-) 

Courtesy of JBlogz

Stay Inspired....


kecina said...

well said. Well written. When u make a mark, u attract erasers. That's the reason why we must choose our friends. Like it/not, they contribute to the make/break process.s. That's the reason why we must choose our friends. Like it/not, they contribute to the make/break process.

Princess R said...

Thanks Kecina! & very true....choosing the right friends makes a big difference in our lives.

A Thankful Heart said...

Love the post! Very well said! Its an advice that we all need to take. Life is so exhilarating when you are surrounded by "positives". The "Negatives" should stay FAR FAR AWAY! lol.

Anonymous said...

I forgot to comment when I first read.
I love are making a lot of sense.

SYLVIA said...

Gurlll! U already know that time it is. ur article was so spot on there's really nothing to add to it. well said! and if *insert name* is reading this, i hope he/she learns something. keep writing cause i shall be visiting. :-)

btw, ur conversation with ur friend sounds so deja vuish lol. (i know there is no such word)

Oma said...

Word!!! Loved it, loved it, loved it!

I do my annual harvest o...hmm. The biggest thus far was in 2009. I kicked them all to the South Pole... Soon as I was done, my aura got so bright that even the monks in Tibet shielded their faces -_-

Seriously though, this is a strong message love... Good writing too. Looking forward to more posts!

Princess R said...

Awww thanks everyone....More to come :-)

@lightskinned- Yes! the Negatives shouldn't be allowed all :-)
@Anonymous- Thanks dear. Glad you like :-)
@ Sylvia- LOL Cheers to positivity! I hope so too :-)
@ Oma- lmaooo @ the monks in Tibet. Evidence of good harvesting. Thanks love :-)