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Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Dear NwaVic, Should I Let My 22-yr old Cousin Move into My New Matrimonial Home?

Dear NwaVic,
I've been following your blog for a while now and thought maybe you could give me your thoughts. I recently got married, 6 months ago to be exact and my husband and I are just settling into our marriage and getting to know each other. I am 29 and my husband is 32. We moved to Lagos 3 months ago when my husband's job transferred him. We just bought a nice house and are getting settled in. I'm loving married life and soon we'll start trying to have a baby. This is bliss and I hope it stays this way. When we first moved, my 22 year old cousin asked if my husband could get her into his office to do her NYSC which I pushed for and he did successfully. Yesterday, she asked me if she could stay in our house while she serves. My cousin is very attractive- even prettier than me. From growing up with her, I've never had reason to think she is promiscuous but these days, you never know. According to my husband's friends, before he met me, he was a player. I love my cousin and I hate to sound insecure but I'm nervous about this. Is it a good idea to move my cousin in? I'll appreciate your input. Thanks.

Sincerely,
Unsettled in Ikoyi
Dear Unsettled,

Thank you for writing NwaVic at dearnwavic@gmail.com. First of all, I commend you for getting your cousin the NYSC position. it's the least you could do. Now as per moving in,your instincts are right. Your priority at this stage of your marriage should be building and protecting your marriage. And when it comes to that, sometimes you have to be selfish. Newly weds need time and privacy to learn each other...they need space to argue freely and makeup amicably as this is often necessary to work out the kinks of living with someone for the first time. This is a sensitive stage in your marriage and it is not advisable to let your cousin stay with you and your husband for a full year. Even though this is not about how pretty your cousin is, because frankly speaking, often the wife is way more attractive than the "other woman', this is about not tempting a sleeping lion, when it is within your control. Granted, you can't control your husband because he could step out and cheat, but you can control your matrimonial home and who you let in it. And this goes for you as well, if the tables were turned.  trust your instincts and say no. Because this involves family, you have to find a cautionary way to turn down your cousin on your own. If you can help it, your husband doesn't need to know because you don't want him to think you're insecure or that you don't trust him. If you can afford it, you could even give your cousin some money to pay for some where else to live. Again, here caution is the word . I wish you the best of luck and if I'm not too late, Happy Married life!

Stay Inspired...

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I strongly advice against this. You and hubby need all the space you can get now because once the kids start coming it'll be a different ball game. You have tried for your cousin by getting her the job but it is not wise to let her live in your house. We were even advised against this in our pre-marriage course in church (I'm catholic). Just find a good excuse (e.g your hubby said he doesn't want any live-in guests). My two-pence on the matter...hope it helps.

Anonymous said...

Candid advice*the bible said wisdom is profitable to direct*some things are better avoided than experienced.your family is precious to u likewise ur cousin so u protect ur family and tell ur cousin to stay in another place in order to kip the relationship u have with ur cousin

Havilah Luxuries said...

One of the "Best of Nwavic". Your response has given me a whole new respect and admiration for you.

You are a wise woman.

I agree with you.

Princess R said...

Thank you all for your comments. I couldn't agree more!

Havilah, your comment made me smile. Thank you for reading. It's your readership that continues to inspire me :-)