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Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Dear NwaVic, My Christian Girlfriend says my Religion is a Dealbreaker

Dear NwaVic,

I was a player few years ago but when my brother returned from the UK, he wanted me to change and I did so. So when he returned to the Uk, he (my bro) introduced me to a girl in the UK who happens to be a very good friend to his wife. We started talking on phone. I stay in Nigeria and the girl is African but stays in UK. Things got serious between us and we fell in love, spending nothing less than 8 hours on the phone daily. Soon, we started making plans on how to meet properly. I made attempts to travel but it didn't work. Her pastor told her not to travel for now  because the last time she came down to Africa, there were few hiccups. 

It's been over a year now since we've been in a "relationship" and the love keeps getting serious. I am a Muslim and she is a Christian. Recently, she has become quiet. At first, I thought she was missing me like I was missing her even though we spend lots of hours on the phone Skype, BBM, and Whatsapp. A few months ago, she told me she is quitting because of my religion. I tried to talk to her and begged her but she said no. I have always supported her religion. In fact, I wake her on Sundays to make sure she goes to church. It's now been month without her and it's been horrible because I am seriously hurt. Even after begging her for months, she is still saying no. I am angry at myself and it has really affected my work. Last week, I realized I needed to talk to her some more because she is the only person that gets everything out of me.  We've started talking again in the last few days but I don't know what to do. I still have so much feelings for her and nothing has changed yet. What do I do pls? Help me.



Dear Confused,

Thank you for writing NwaVic at Gone are the days when marriage or relationships were defined by race, culture, country, social status, tribe, religion, or language. These days, anyone can marry whom they like, nothwithstanding sometimes glaring differences. However, a successful relationship no matter the kind, requires that both parties not only understand their similarities but fully comprehend their differences and its implications long term. Further, both parties need to agree, and continually make an effort to manage it. In your case, your difference in religion bothers her and she doesn't seem willing to forfeit its implications. While it is heartbreaking, it is something you have to understand and respect. As you know, as with some other religions, some Christian denominations even consider marrying someone of another denomination a sin, talkless of someone of another religion. Relationships are complicated already and she may be worried that religious differences will complicate it further, especially with the long distance.

I think it's time you have another serious conversation with her. This time, however, you need to be open-minded. You both should have a virtual face to face conversation (Skype, facetime, etc) to discuss what you each want out of the relationship. This is necessary to access whether you are both on the same page. Just because you've started talking again, doesn't ensure she wants what you want. Listen to her responses. If she needs her time and space, be ready and willing to give it to her. In the mean time, move on with your life. I understand your pain and I realize my advice is easier said and done but trust me, trying to make someone do what they are not willing to do will only cause you more hurt and pain, in the long term. In case you ever need it, here's NwaVic's 7 tips on how to get over a breakup.

Best of Luck,

NwaVic||| |||Twitter & Instagram @nwavicesq

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