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Monday, October 7, 2013

Dear NwaVic: I'm 21 & My Girlfriend is Pregnant for Me. Should I Marry Her?

Dear NwaVic,
Your writing is truly inspiring. I was just gonna pass by but I’ve decided to share my experience so I would get earnest advice from you.

I am 21 year old 300 level student. I met a lady in April 2012 who I've grown to love. At first, I didn't know how to express my feelings because I was a virgin and I just wanted a girl to have an affair with. The circumstances surrounding how we came to be together is kind of funny. After I got her number, I visited her and she decided to follow me out because she was bored. She wanted to see where I lived and even though I wasn't comfortable with it, we went and we had such a good time, she stayed 4 days. She was very attracted to me because of my character and how I cared for her. 

Eventually, my initial intentions for just sex shifted and I fell in love. Hope my story isn't too boring,lol…we didn’t have sex for 8 months. Even when I tried, she refused because she was a virgin. I’m not saying I’m proud of this as a christian but I’m not perfect. The relationship grew well: the sex was great, the love was magnified and I really cared about her. 

I have a couple of other female friends, just as you used the Michelle and Beyonce illustration, in 7 Keys to Finding a Good Husband, she is a Michelle and my friends are Beyonces. These girls are attracted to me and flirt with me because I am very cool, tall, dark and handsome. But this girl has shown me much love- she's caring, understanding, patient, open, and not demanding. Her family and I talk regularly I do more of the spending because I’m more bouyant but when I’m exhausted, she steps in and buys only the necessary stuff because she's considerate of me. Unlike most girls, she doesn’t have any maga she collects money from. 

Like I said, she's not the prettiest girl but her good virtues supersedes all.  For the past month, I've been thinking she's the one. I don't think I will ever date anyone like her. She's also having a baby for me. It happened mistakingly but children are a gift from God and I can't abort my child oo. Our families have finally accepted the situation although it was difficult and tough. I will take care of the child. He or she will be with my mum while I’m at school. 

This responsibility got me thinking, so I have started a business. By God's grace, in 3yrs after school, I'll be able to stand on my feet without my parent's support. I see myself marrying this girl because she has shown me she is wife material. Even men with the most beautiful wives still cheat, so why overate beauty as a criteria for marriage?

So please from your experience and profound knowledge, give me the advice you would give your younger brother. Help me point out if I have gone wrong or going you think I’m on the right path with my decision..I haven't promised to marry her yet because I don't want to put up hopes in anybody’s mind. I will talk about marriage when I finish university in 3yrs time…Thanks pls pour out your heart just as I have taken my time to pour out mine.


Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for writing NwaVic. At first glance, it looks as though you know what you want. But looking closer, it seems more as if you're trying to convince yourself to marry a caring, understanding, patient, open, and not demanding girl who's pregnant for you but not as pretty as your flirty female friends. You seem uncertain as to what you want as is apparent in your constant reference to her looks and a follow-up reassurance of just how good of a wifey she'll make. More so, your comment that "even men with the most beautiful wives still cheat, so why overate beauty as a criteria for marriage?" is a dead give away because while you seem to believe the validity of the statement, you don't know if you believe that it applies to you.

But you're only 21. Yes, you've acted way out of line by getting a girl pregnant at this age. You didn't mention how old she is but I assume she's as young as you are, if not younger. But you have done the right thing by committing to be there for your child. But amidst all this chaos, you need to step back and truly assess what you really want. Tradition would require that you marry a girl who you impregnated but then it'll be a disservice to both you and her if a couple of years down the line, you step outside your marriage into the arms of a "prettier" girl. Marriage is a serious commitment. You shouldn't marry a girl only because she has proven to be wifey material. You should marry someone because you don't see life without them WHEN you're ready to commit to her and your child.

I say all this to say, if you were my younger brother, I'd tell you to focus on finishing school, taking responsibility for your child and figuring out what you want your future to look like. Make those your priorities. You should also care for and maintain a relationship with the mother of your child, if for nothing else, for the sake of your child. When you graduate in three years and you still think she's the one you want to commit to marry, do it.

Stay Inspired....

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