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Monday, May 5, 2014

Dear NwaVic, Can I Date a Man my Friend Has Slept With?

Dear NwaVic,

Over Easter break, I went home (another country) where I hung out with a girl I went to high school with. While there, she took me to a lot of places to show me a good time. Once, we hung out with a group of guys, most of them were good looking. She told me she has been "seeing" one of them casually. From our conversation, I got that they've been sleeping together with no comitment. The day after, he called to say he wanted to take me on a date. I gave him an excuse not to go and even though she didn't say so, she seemed happy about that. I've been back for two weeks now and he and I have been talking regularly on the phone and on Skype. I think I'm beginning to fall for him. He's everything I ever wanted in a man. But I'm worried my friend may be hurt if I take it further. But I've been thinking its not like we are best friends. What do you think?


Dear in-Love,

It's truly a tough one. While there's a big "people are not possessions" argument, You just have to decide how much your friendship means to you. You claim you are not best friends but consider that she thinks of you as friend enough to cater to you when you visited. More so, she apparently has feelings for him if she appeared happy that you declined a date with him.  I must also call to your attention that a man who's sleeping with your friend and then immediately moves onto you in such a short time, is one to watch out for. You are maybe... convenient for him? Despite all this, I know that finding someone you connect with is a rarity and I'd hate to be the one to tell you not to pursue one who could be "your one". No matter what you decide, the worst thing you can do is be deceptive to your friend or do it behind her back. I suggest you have a conversation with her and feel her out. Be honest and transparent. Pay attention, not to what she says, but how she reacts. You should also discuss this with him. To him, it may have just been fun, and to her, much is the case most of the time. Notwithstanding, If you decide to pursue it, make peace with the possibility of loosing whatever relationship you had with her. Your justification? In the name of love.

Best of Luck!

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 NwaVic – | |Twitter & Instagram @nwavicesq

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