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Sunday, May 11, 2014
Dear NwaVic, I'm Scared to Marry a Man 15 Years my Senior
I have a problem here. There is a man that really loves me. He possess some of the qualities I want in a man but the problem is that he is way too older than I am. I am 25 while he is 40. He wants to marry me and has been on my neck to take him to my parents but am kind of reluctant about him because of the age difference. I have been with him for close to 2yrs now but reality dawned on me when he proposed. I don't know what to do.
Thank you again for writing NwaVic at email@example.com. If I take your letter at face value, I am inclined to wonder where the problem is considering that many vow that "age is just a number". Some people believe marrying a man who is way older than you is better because they are mature, settled and ready to commit asap. On the other hand, some others believe marrying someone around your age is better because they are on the same page as you. For e.g. if you're a typical 25 year old, another typical 25 year old will still want to party, just like you. As you know, the older people get, the more likely they are to choose a movie-night-in than a club night. I am of the opinion that while age plays a role in a successful marriage, it becomes insignificant when there is a meeting of the minds. While I'm young, I'm old at heart and my fiance is not that much older than me but very mature. Once, I met a man who was 18 years older than me and wanted to marry me. I declined, not because of his age but because of how archaic his mind was. I knew deep down from talking with him that it won't be a good marriage because his thinking pattern and values were on an entirely different world from mine. On the other hand, my parents were 15 years apart and had an incredibly successful marriage :-)
So, basically, I say all this to say..Should age matter? It depends. Ask yourself the hard questions. Why are you reluctant? Is it because of what people will say? or does it make YOU uncomfortable? Are you and this man on the same page mentally? Does he use his "age" as a weapon to make you obey and/or respect him? Do you feel comfortable around him? Does he respect you as an equal in marriage? Do you think this is someone you can spend a lifetime with? Basically, if not for the age and the age alone, will you without doubt, marry him? This post about finding a good husband may be able to shed some insight for you.
If it's just the age and you think he loves you and will make a good husband, by all means go for it. If its deeper than that, please run while you can.
I hope this has helped you some. If you have any further questions, please don't hesitate to reach out to NwaVic.